You know as you grow older yourself that everyone else is growing older as well...and of course with disease and cancer so rapid these days time is limited.
My Granny had been having complications with her back for years now, and had been diagnosed almost 10 years ago with a rare form of bone/blood cancer, but had never had many complications with it, besides her back/hips hurting a lot.
The summer of 2013, Granny started losing weight, and started looking very weak, but she still had that contagious smile on her face...always making our family one of her top priorities! By December of 2013, she was barely trekking along with her walking cane...I kept telling myself something was "wrong" but doctors reports said she was cancer free and fine. Soon after Christmas Granny was in out of hospital/nursing home from January thru June. 1 week of being home during that time. She was either dehydrated, needing blood transfusions or dealing with a recurrent UTI.
All during this time we ( me and James) were trying to sell our home to get moved back to Habersham county to be closer to family and help out more.
I would go up during the week and sit with Granny and visit on the weekends too. I tried my hardest to cherish each and every visit, almost as if I was capturing these moments on an internal camera inside...I left many times in tears...I could tell Granny was getting weaker and weaker. Some visits she would be alert and talk normally, and others she would sleep the whole time or not remember very much...It was as if almost my "Granny" that I remembered growing up was already gone...
We learned in February 2014 that Granny's cancer was back and that she had limited time. March, April, May come...with us visiting her in the nursing home and hospital. Granny trying her hardest to do her rehab so she would be able to walk again...as she had been in the bed so very long she had lost all ability to walk or help herself anymore. This too broke my heart...I could tell Granny was getting so close to giving up, she was getting depressed.
Then June came...on Saturday, the 14th the nurses called to tell us that she needed more blood and was hemorrhaging inside. I knew that news did not sound good at all...and then on Father's day, on the 15th, that morning the nurses called and said that all of the family needed to get down there...I knew this time had come...even though I did not want to admit it...My heart was breaking...Granny Evelyn was one of the closest grandparents I have...I had so many sweet memories with her. Always being there for me for advice or just to listen to me.
So on June 15th all of Granny's brothers/sisters, nieces,nephews, cousins gathered in her room, kissing her, telling her we love her. Very emotional day...I could tell Granny's eyes were getting weaker, almost as if they were getting a glassy-look to them. On Sunday though, never calling us by name, she would say " Love you too" back to us.
I decided that night, I wanted to stay...this was very important to me to be with Granny, to a woman that I cherished so very much and loved so very much. Myself, Andrea, Brittany, Janet, Larry and Daddy stayed on Sunday night...some on the extra bed in the room, others in chairs, wheelchair...We hardly slept...I was watching Sweet Granny, gasping for her next breath, even on the oxygen, her crying out in pain to Jesus...these moments though so heart-wrenching...with my heart slowly breaking, were moments I wanted to spend...moments I will never forget...We thought several times during the night that she was about to go and leave this old world to join Jesus in heaven, her breathing would get real shallow...We would all gather around her bed, crying and telling her it was "okay, we love her and would take care of Papa"....Granny still held on...She didn't open her eyes anymore...My insides felts as if butterflies were in my stomach and chest...
Monday came and we stayed all day with family coming in and out...as I would leave to go get a shower or something to eat...I would try my best to hurry back...as I wanted to be there when Sweet Granny grabbed hold of Jesus' hand.
Granny would scream out in pain, asking "Jesus to take her or help her"....then she would cry....and moan...Emotionally I didn't think I could endure anymore...I couldn't take seeing her in so much pain and begin to ask Jesus...."why are you not taking her?....why are you making her endure so much pain ? "....
My Dad had held all of his emotions inside this whole time until Sunday, Monday and Tuesday....seeing my Daddy cry and pray and kiss Granny telling her it would be okay....broke my heart even more....and Papa Howard, constantly saying "She's getting better...isn't she ?"....over and over with Janet and Daddy telling him "No, she is dying...she is not getting better..." this too was very hard for me to see, the sadness over his face. His love of 58 years...was leaving him.
Tuesday morning very early, we started noticing something brown coming out of the edge of her mouth...deep inside I knew what it was...it was blood...I knew time was getting even closer....on strong morphine and medications, Granny was in a deep, deep sleep...but would still holler out to Jesus.! Also saying she saw her "Mama....Grandma....cousins..." We knew she seeing glimpses of heaven....it was a surreal feeling, being here on earth with Granny halfway there...in Sweet Beulah land... the brown substance kept coming out of her mouth and then as we had just drifted off to sleep again, a large gargle and she threw up blood everywhere...I screamed out! We knew this was the hemorrhaging inside. The nurse said her vitals were still good, but it would be soon, possibly between 24-48 hours...I'm crying inside and outside....
All of her brothers/sisters started pouring in again....and then around 2:00 pm, they said that her vitals had drastically went down to 44/28, that we needed to get in there....I stood there holding Sweet Granny's hand, crying and praying....Granny still holding on....we knew she didn't want to "separate" from us, as the day before, she had hollered out " don't separate"....She wanted to go see Jesus, but hated to leave us here too...
Finally Daddy told Papa to get her hand and tell her " I Love you....Go on, I'm okay".....My heart ached so much...very emotional moment....and then at 2:58 pm....Granny took her last breath! She was gone! She was in the beautiful heavens....no more pain nor suffering....
I couldn't believe she was really gone...so very sad, but so relieved she was not suffering any more...I can not stand seeing her suffer anymore...
And the funeral came with me doing the eulogy. I had felt the week before that I needed to start writing on it and completed it the morning that Granny passed away. I was nervous but was something I had always wanted to do...I wanted to recount all of the many, many memories me and others had with her.
These days were extremely hard to endure but with the promise of Jesus as your Savior, we know we will be reunited again one day. I still catch myself thinking back on precious memories and crying thinking about how special those moments were...
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